SPA Modeler

G'Day all...

something thats keeping me thinking for a while now ended in a long slow worst case scenario. After 4 years, my girl and me will go different ways. Thats ok now for me, it was a long, hard fight, and we both made our mistakes. After all it was one big theme that finally caused the end:

We were rebuilding a house. In my opinion, especially SUCH a project is only possible together as partners. Nothing else. "My house, my rules, my oh my...!" was something I really heard often. Thomas knows the whole story, which doesnt belong here.

I have my small mancave here in our actual home (and will have another one in my new home, of course!). In her opinion I wasnt allowed to have some small place in a 4 floored freaking HOUSE? Oh come on... Its ridiculous, and when we first met 4 years ago, I had this hobby for decades then.

A relationship lives from compromises, doesnt it? Some reapir cars, some play soccer, some do other things. Why not - life is full of good experiences and we creative people WANT to try things out.

How far would you go when your partner/relatives etc. say "Your hobby sucks!"?

Sorry to hear you broke up.

"How far would you go when your partner/relatives etc. say "Your hobby sucks!"?"

I fortunately have not been in that postion. My wife attitude towards modelling has shifted from indifferent to supportive. Same goes for relatives, they know my hobby is important for me.
In our first house I had a small but dedicated modelling space. Nowadays there is a dedicate hobby desk but I have to share it. It is a hassle when airbrushing (setting up the spraybooth and compressor etc). But, like you said, you have to compomise.

Same goes for my other hobby, Pencak Silat, my wife is not always happy that I train 2 times a week or coach in the weekend. But she knows it is important for me. And so she is supportive.

I know people love in different ways and also differ in the way they express their feelings. But I'm having a hard time to understand how a person can love his partner AND trying to press him out of something he loves to do. Ok, if your hobby's dangerous or very expensive and she's pregnant or what not. But out of no reason? There are many people with lower self-esteem who think you don't love them anymore just because you're enjoying some me-time here and there. I've been there myself. I got rid of them.

I'm sorry for you, Lucas. But let me tell you this: Better now than later.

Well, ive been single for the last 2 years, so i havent had to encounter that. However that may be changing soon? Taking it slow, and she knows about it. So hopefully it wont be too much of an issue. However her son is 3. And he loves knowing how things work. Especially vacuum cleaners? So maybe in the future theres room to include him.
But just need to live in the now for now. And hope things go well.
Sorry to hear about your bust up. I hope it all works out for you. My sister is in the exact same position. Her and her partner split up while renovating a house. So she got her money out. And me and her went 50/50 and bought a house together. At 31 im finally a home owner lol...crap.

mostrich wrote:
I'm sorry for you, Lucas. But let me tell you this: Better now than later.

I've never had an issue with relatives...other than the joking "nerd" comments.
As far as the wife goes...well...the early days were a little rocky. I had no problem with compromise...although her idea of compromise was...me giving way to her ideas. I like fishing, hunting, playing in a band, and building models...and was not willing to give up any of those things. I did them less, though. I was the selfish one...it took a while, but she finally realized that it was far more selfish of her to want me to stop doing the things I love to do.
She didn't want me to play clubs on a Friday night (she couldn't go...work), because she didn't trust girls at the clubs. She finally realized that all she had to trust was ME! I used to build my models in my lap, sitting on the couch, right beside her...but that wasn't "quality time". That was all a long time ago, and things are pretty hunky-dory these days, so I'm glad I stuck it out. It took some work, but I got a good one!

If something were to happen, and I found myself single...I'd probably stay that way. I couldn't tell you how times we've had people over, and the girl would say something like "Oh hell no...you allow this?...I would never allow this stuff in my house" (referring to all the animal mounts on the walls). My wife just says, "well, that's fine if you want a cuck for man....my man doesn't "allow" or not "allow" me anything...just the same, I don't "allow" or not "allow" him anything...we're both adults, capable of making our own decisions....and...I like it!"


Bottom line...neither one in a relationship has any right to tell the other what they can or can't do. Obviously, some things will have consequences, and the will not stick around. Generally speaking though, both have to be willing to "give" at least a little.

All of my family and friends have been supportive in this hobby and all of my other activities and endeavors. My parents certainly encouraged this hobby for me. And while my wife has not always been actively supporting me with it, neither has she ever discouraged me. There has been plenty of light hearted teasing, as well as the serious "where are you going to put all of these?" remarks and conversations. And as I have said before, my stash is larger than I can honestly expect to build in my remaining lifetime, and display space for completed builds is more and more challenging to find as time goes on. Not to mention that when our lease is up at our current residence, it will be a serious PITA to move this all again. Renting and this hobby do not mix well in the long run.

But back to the subject of relationships, I have never been in that position. My friends all seem to enjoy looking at my work, and I have never been with a woman (the ones before my wife) who made such demands on me. Had I, and knowing how deeply this is in my blood like certain other things in my life, more than likely we would have parted ways. Yes relationships are compromises, but never compromise yourself.

Lucas sorry to hear of the breakup.

I have been with my wife since I was 21 years old. I have always built models. When we were renting I had a toolbox for supplies. Completed stuff went to my parents house. When we bought a house I had a little mancave in the basement. Same with our current house.
She is tolerant of my hobby. As long as it's tucked away in my room she has no issues.
We actually had a little joke going when we first moved into our current house. I didn't have a place to put my built kits that was safe from the four legged furballs. So I conned her into letting me use the china cabinet for a few months. She loved seeing my planes in the dining room. NOT

Sorry to hear of the breakup. That always sucks and is never easy.

I'm lucky that I have a wife that encourages my hobby. I have my own room in the house for building models. It all stays in there, so there's no issues. She's an artist herself (paintings) and has a studio in a building near downtown that's close to her work. We do pic on each other when we buy things like paint, kits, canvas, etc...but it's all in good fun.